Yami, King of Uno?
by sylas
Summary: A YGO and That one painting with the silly dogs smoking and playing poker crossover. Reading it will bring you joy that can only come from constructive silliness.
1. You're Embarrassing

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"Yami, King of….Uno?"

Yugi, Pikachu Boxers, and Uno. OH my.

[Hissy Fits Are Not Worth The Trouble ]

Version 2

Rioki Kataru

Let's just say that I was serious whacked the weeks that I wrote this. "R" for the words out Seto's dirty mouth. It's Yami, Seto Kaiba, Pegasus, and Bakura, sitting at a kitchen table with Yugi hiding in his room playing poker or something. Sure, it's odd. More reason to read.

I came up with the idea for this story one night when I drew a quick sketch of Seto, Yami, and a mysterious dark figure off in the corner that was supposed to be Pegasus playing poker. Like that one painting of the dogs around the table? Only Pegasus was giggling madly in that creepy way of his, Seto was looking serious pissed, and Yami was muttering something about the heart of the cards helping him win. Bunny encouraged me to actually right a Fic about it, and so I decided to.

What else.... Oh, well, the characters and the names and the likeness' and what not all belong to whoever owns the rights, which is bad, because if I did, I'd have a lot more money. What I'm trying to say is just don't sue me or whatever, because you won't get anything because I don't own anything but a couple graphic novels and tapes and a bed spread. You won't get the rights to Yu-Gi-Oh or the money that comes along with them because I don't own them. And if I did, you couldn't sue me anyway. So there. I also do not own Pikachu, or NeoPets, Sesame Street, or anything else that doesn't belong to me.

There's probably some spelling mistakes that I couldn't find, and grammar mistakes that my friends and mom didn't find [yes, that's right, I had my mom read this]. Ratings? Bastard, jackass, the works, and Pegasus, who doing something as simple as drinking wine could very well give this thing a "R" rating just because he's so damn scary. And I like Yugi. A lot. So I made him really cute and childish, like Yami's little brother, just because this is my story and I can do that sort of thing if I want to. This also doesn't follow the show, since Pegasus goes away after the first season and Seto would never really come over to Yami's house for any reason [snicker] But no, it's supposed to be funny. And nothing else. Bakura is Bakura. Slight Pegasus J. Crawford bashing. Very slight Seto/Bakura R&R if it pleases you, my Kismety Followers.

[ ] Brackets: Those Authors Notes I can't help but put in ^^

Finished? Yep! Go read.

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CHAPTER I - You're Embarrassing

Yugi stared out his bedroom window onto the empty street below. Nine at night, raining outside, and there was absolutely nothing to do. It was Friday so he didn't have to finish any of his homework. And it was too late to go out and maybe go somewhere to eat, and too early to go to sleep. He had made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich earlier, so he wasn't hungry anyway. He sighed and fell on to the only clear spot on his floor. The rest of it was filled with scattered half-finished Gundam models and Duel Monster cards. He looked up when he heard someone come whistling down the hall.

"Aww, heck...." he grumbled as Yami strode in front of his open door. He stopped and walked back, coming into the room to see him.

"What's up, Kiddo?" he asked. Yugi merely looked at him blankly before arranging himself so he was sitting cross-legged.

"I'm bored. Do you wanna play Duel Monsters or Monopoly?" he suggested.

Yami laughed, holding his forehead in one hand and the door frame with the other. "Sorry, but I've already got plans-"

"God, you're not inviting any one over like last time, are you? Remember what happened!? Besides, you promised you wouldn't do that again!!!" Yugi yelled, standing up and walking over to Yami, who tilted his head, trying to remember.

"Oh yeah...." he grinned madly. "That was really funny." Yami had once had a friend [girl or boy, depending on whether or not you're a slasher ^^] of his over one time....Unfortunately, Yugi's grandfather had walked in on him on the couch and thought his grandson had finally gotten lucky with all the ladies. No, it was merely his 5,000 ancient Egyptian alter-ego.

Yugi shook his head in disgust, his hands twitching. "Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was when he told Joey?! I like my reputation the way it is, not to be tarnished….like…like yours!"

"Reputation?" Yami snickered. "Yeah, whatever." He dismissed Yugi's concerns with a wave of a hand. "Nah, don't worry about it, it's nothing like that. Seto got pissed at me the other day after…I kinda sort of raided his fridge and maxed out his credit cards…. But, you didn't need to know that…" He grinned in and off hand way before he cleared this throat and continued. "And he said we'd have to hold our weekly poker game at my house instead. Which is to say....Yours."

Yugi fell back onto the ground with a loud thunk. "Why do you never check with me when you do these things?!" he cried, looking up at Yami angrily. "Who's all coming?"

Yami put a hand to his chin. "Hmm, let me think for a couple of seconds....Yeah, okay, you've got me, and Seto," he counted off his fingers. "And you remember Bakura? Well, his evil side sort of got un-banished one time because we didn't have enough players....so, yeah, him too....and someone else. Oh yeah! Pegasus gave me a hundred dollars if he could come-"

"NO!" Yugi screamed, grabbing a near blanket and throwing it over his head. "Not him! You invited the most scary person imaginable into my house?! Most everything he says can be easily warped and distorted into something completely disgusting! I _refuse _to let him cross into this house!" He paused, his eyes coming up from underneath the blanket. He pointed at Yami with an accusing finger when he asked: "What's my grandfather going to think?!"

"That you got a lot more popular? Listen Aibou, if I back out now, I loose my four game winning streak. And they'll think I'm a loser. And they'll be gone by eleven. Besides, you know how much income I get from winning on these guys all the time? You forget, they're all rich....Or were, 'cause they're not anymore, since I just happen to win all the time. King of Games...How damn right is that!" Yami cried and stared at Yugi proudly.

"Whatever." Yugi's head came up from the blue fuzzy sheet, now wrapped around his shoulders. "Just keep them all in the kitchen. And keep an eye on Pegasus....Eye....Christ, he's scary, with that whole "Yugi- boy" thing going on...." He pulled the blanket back over his head, twitching slightly. Yami kicked him lightly with his left foot.

"All right," he told him considerately. "I'll make sure Pegasus and everyone else stay in the kitchen. But I don't want you to walk around with that blanket or that Pikachu outfit of yours. It's embarrassing."

"No," Yugi's muffled voice corrected him from under the blanket. "You're embarrassing."


	2. Jacket Toitoi

EEK! You're all sooo nice, my Kismety Followers! I got 10 reviews the day after I put up the first chapter! And.…and they said they thought it was funny....and they said that they liked it....and they said I needed caffeine? What the?

__

zypher - Caffeine? You're confusing me. Are you being sarcastic and saying the story's really hyper? Or are you saying my stories really slow and boring. Either way, that's all right, but the story is only as fast as the person who wrote it, Ya know. ^^

__

Anzu - Yeah, I am redoing this in chapters... but I can pretend it's new, right? One of your favorites? I am most pleased! [claps] 

And yes, Pegasus is a creepy one ^~ 

Aww, and thank you to all the other nice people out there who reviewed! You make me so happy! [reviewers try and scramble away from hug] Oooh! Happy day!!

Oh. I might've forgotten to mention earlier that this is _way _OOC. What else?

Yami: Um….Yami Bakura is Bakura? Although she didn't know about that at the time she wrote this? And she doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, NeoPets, or any other copywriter stuff that doesn't belong to her in his story?

Rioki: Good job, wittle Yami-Wami! Does Yami wanna treat? Hmm? Yami wanna Yami-treat??

Yami: [Rolls eyes] Can we get on with this, please? My TV's in this chapter!!! [takes Yami-treat and stuffs it into pocket]

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CHAPTER II - **Jacket Toitoi**

Minutes after Yami had talked to Yugi, the doorbell rang. Yugi, now only a huddled figure under a cuddly blue blanket, shivered before crawling across his room, trying to get inside and hide in his closet. He was beginning to shut the door when it was yanked open, out of his reach. Yami started angrily into the shadows where Yugi's head peeked out from around the sheet.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Yami protested, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. "They're not that bad....Okay, so yeah, Pegasus is really creepy, so you do have reason to be afraid of him, but not this afraid!" He threw one arm into the closet to point out Yugi's extreme measures and used the other to pick the blue mass up by the shoulder.

"Hey! Let me go! I'm not taking any chances with that guy in the house!" Yugi squirmed and kicked his feet as Yami dropped him back down onto the carpet. He stood up, trying to make Yami understand that he was going to hide somewhere until eleven by standing up as tall as he could.

"Well, sorry, Kid," Yami smiled as he put his hand under his chin and his elbow on the top of Yugi's head. Yugi scowled angrily, his pride hurt by Yami who seemed to be having fun destroying his hikari's Display of Tallness. 

"Yugi, How can I make you understand? Pegasus, or anyone else for that matter, is not going to leave the kitchen. Now, excuse me, someone's at the door." Yami picked up his arm and walked out, leaving Yugi's fear of Pegasus to build up again. He sprinted across the room, locked the door, then turned the other way and hid under his Pikachu bed comforter.

Yami jogged down the stairs and opened the front door. Seto Kaiba stood on the front walk, clearly disgusted with the low quality of the lawn's maintenance. His blue jacket, which was clearly made to be extravagant, had its sleeves and end blowing in the wind. He kicked at a piece of dirt before facing Yami.

Yami licked his finger and held it in the night air. "There isn't a breeze."

"So? Your point?" Seto growled hostilely. Yami pointed to the end of Seto's jacket being tossed around in the invisible wind.

"I didn't spend ten thousand dollars for this jacket without good reason," Seto commented coldly as he walked past Yami and into the living room. He made himself comfortable on his couch to wait for everyone else. Yami shrugged and shut the door.

"Ten thousand? That seems...like an awful lot to pay just on a jacket," he commented, kicking some shoes into the nearby closet and shutting the door.

"This, my friend," Seto proudly said, holding up his sleeve, "is no ordinary jacket. First, it always makes me look way cool. It also matches my school uniform. And I knew that damned Pegasus was after my cash, so I had to spend it all on something, right?"

"Sure, I guess that's a pretty good reason...." Yami agreed cautiously. "Um, about Pegasus. Er, well, he sort of paid me to let him come...Er....come...."

Yami stopped mid sentence when he noticed Seto staring daggers at him. "You greedy, self-centered asshole!" Seto roared, leaping from the couch and walked over to Yami, who just glanced up at Seto's exceedingly angry face. Yami just glanced around, trying not too look to freaked out.

"Hey! The guy's rich, right? And can't we rig it so he completely loses? Like a group cheat thing?" Yami tried to sell his idea [Excuse] to Kaiba, who was not buying it based on the seriously pissed off look that Yami noticed on his face.

"How stupid of a person do you take me for?" Seto growled. Yami shifted his weight to his other foot uneasily under Seto's piercing glare. 

"I already thought of that plan right before you said it! Plan Stealer!"

Yami just about fell over. "Oh!" he gasped. "Er, great!" He knew Seto was lying, but since he really didn't feel like fighting, he decided to go along with it. "Okay, Pegasus is bound to try and be "fashionably late", right? Which means we can talk to, er, Bakura when he gets here."

"That's not how...." Seto tried to explain but stopped. "You can't cheat by just plotting evilly behind someone's back."

"So?" Yami protested, but he stopped, staring down at the suitcase in Seto's hands, hanging by his side. "Wait....this doesn't have anything to do with-"

"I am so glad you asked!" Kaiba cheered, his face genuinely lighting up as he took the chrome suitcase he was carrying in his hands and walked into the kitchen. He opened it up on the kitchen table and stood marveling at the deck of playing cards inside. Yami hit himself on the forehead. Seto and his damned card….stuff.

"Holy shit!" Yami cried out sarcastically, waving his arms in the air. "A pack of playing cards! Whooo!" Seto smacked Yami upside the head.

"Fool. These player cards are rigged!" He pointed to small markings, tears, and folds on some of the backs of the cards. He grinned approvingly until Yami picked them up and looked at them closer.

"Wait a minute," he said suspiciously, looking from the cards to Seto. "It was your turn to bring the cards....Which means-"

"Oh, who cares about that!" Kaiba yelled happily, distracting Yami from his train of thought by grabbing the cards, stuffing them back in the suitcase, and locking it. "Pegasus is going to loose! That's all that matters!" He went back to the couch. Yami shrugged to himself and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips off the counter. When he walked back out into the living room, he found, to his absolute horror, that Seto was trying to take apart his TV.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Yami howled, diving across the linoleum kitchen floor trying to reach Seto before he ruined his HBO access.

Yugi tiptoed downstairs carefully, clutching his blanket in one hand and a baseball bat in the other. He had heard yelling, and had the faintest idea Yami was in some seriously bad trouble. He turned to his right and found Yami trying to beat the shit out of Seto Kaiba, who was messing with Yami's television.

"Nobody messes with my baby, you jackass!!!" Yami snarled, hitting Seto with the remote. Seto held up his arm to try and block Yami's attack.

"Your frickin' TV means that much to you?"

"Hey!" Yugi yelled, running over, holding his hands up. "Just what are trying to do, Kaiba? Don't you know that Yami will die to defend his TV?!"

Yami grinned and began to try and rip the collar of Seto's jacket.

"Get your hands off Jacket Toitoi!!!" Seto shrieked and kicked Yami across the room into a heap at the front door. He slid over to a dark corner and took off his jacket, trying to see in Yami had harmed his precious jacket....That is....his Jacket Toitoi.

"Dude...." Yugi said. "I thought Yami's obsession with his TV was sad....But your _jacket_?" He shook his head in pity before walking into the kitchen to grab a bag of cookies and pour himself a glass of milk. Seto got up and started walking over to the kitchen, putting his Jacket Toitoi back on, making sure it still swooshed extravagantly in the air.

Kaiba walked up to Yugi and stared down at the floor. Yugi turned around to face him and realized Kaiba was staring at his slippers.

"Issues, Buddy?" Yugi asked with a chocolate chip cookie in his mouth.

"You're wearing....Pikachu slippers? Pikachu boxers....?" Seto said, his eyes widening. Yugi blushed madly, narrowing his eyes, and crossed his arms in front of his boxers.

Yami looked over and glared at Yugi, then at Kaiba.

"You're exactly like Mokuba! Except I think he's more of a Charmander person." Seto said with a look of surprise on his face. "You young people and Pokemon these days...." 

"Kaiba." Yugi said rather cheesed off. "I'm in your class. We're the same age."

Yami sighed, rolled his eyes, and slumped down against the door, which seconds later blew open, sending Yami flying back across the room in front of his TV where he started from.

Bakura stood in the doorway, wearing a dark jacket similar to Kaiba's, only it didn't swish in the wind. Lightning flashed in the cloudless sky behind him, sending dark shadows over his already fiercely angry looking face. The lights flickered off for a moment. The cookie fell out of Yugi's mouth. Seto hugged and tried to comfort his jacket, while Yami stood in front of his television, ready to sacrifice life and limb to keep it safe from the ominously evil presence entering the house.

Bakura's face softened instantly when he walked into the brightly lit house. "I don't understand why people always do that. I am just...." he sniffed, "misunderstood...." He looked like he was about to cry.

"Aww, come on, Man!" Yami cried. "You're like the pinnacle of evil! Well, after me, of course...." He grinned smugly. Bakura smiled weakly and walked over to a recliner. He began to trying to find out how to make the chair recline.

"Watch it," Yami warned. "There's something really weird and strangely evil about that chair." Bakura had flipped a switch, the chair had stared to shake violently.

"Heck!" Bakura shouted, trying to free himself from the possessed chair. Yami ran over from his TV and turned it off the freakish chair trying to "kill" Bakura, then turning in the other direction, walked and picked up Yugi, throwing him over his back and began marching up the stairs.

"Hey!" Yugi yelled, pounding his fists into Yami's back. "I was eating!" Yami, not wanting Bakura to see Yugi's Pikachu outfit too, was about to bring him back upstairs when Seto stopped him.

"He can cheat for us, don't you see?" Seto told Yami smartly. "He [Pegasus] won't suspect Yugi as trying to look at his cards for us! Huh? Huh uh?" Seto turned back to the couch and took out a brush to remove the lint that had collected on his Jacket Toitoi. Yami saw the sense in Seto's plan, and grinning evilly, put Yugi back on the ground, who straightened his shirt and stomped over to the couch. Seto raised an eyebrow as Yugi tried to climb up. He was kicking his feet, looking like he was swimming in air almost. Kaiba reached over and pulled him up by his arm.

"Thank you, Kaiba!" Yugi said, sitting happily, staring around, swishing his feet. Seto stared at him strangely, then turned to Yami once he sat down on a puffy chair opposite the couch.

"Is he your hikari or your younger brother?" he asked Yami, who yawned and shrugged.

"I dunno, Pet, cute little friend, whatever floats your boat." Yami sat back and glanced out the window, watching out for Pegasus.

Bakura noticed and asked what Yami was up to. Seto explained and, like himself, Bakura threw a fit.

"HIM?! That disgrace of a man?!" he roared, his face growing dark again, the lights flickering. Yugi glance up nervously, then went back to munching happily on his cookies.

"Dude, how come I can't do that?" Yami asked, not taking his eyes off the dark street. "I'm evil too."

"You may be," Seto corrected him, "but you also tend to be a dumb ass too, so maybe it takes away from your evilness or something."

Bakura kept his tantrum up. "Why? In God's name, WHY?!" Kaiba coughed, distracting Bakura.

"Ya see, he bribed Yami-"

"He paid me! I am one who cannot be bribed!" Yami retorted angrily. "I am the Pharaoh, damn it!"

"Whatever," Seto rolled his eyes and continued. "Well, he paid Yami to let him play poker too. Only, we both agree-"

"Me too!" Yugi piped up.

"Yes, we all agree that Pegasus is scary beyond belief. So, we've come up with a plan to make the best of the situation. We're going to swindle Pegasus out of all his money by cheating. Or, rather, ganging up on him."

"Well," Yugi suggested, kicking his feet back and forth cutely, "why don't you all play Cheat instead of poker? That way, you can team up together better!"

"Cheat?"

"What the hell?"

"NeoPets...." Yami sighed, putting his face in his hands, embarrassed.

Yugi threw a pillow at him. "It's where you-"

"Oh!" Bakura cried. "I've played that before! I, personally, hate Kalora, but that's just me, really." Yugi's face lit up as he and Bakura began talking about how their individual NeoPets could so whomp one another and how big their shops and Neopian Bank accounts were.

"Yeah, Mokuba was playing that Cheat game once, asked me to help. I got pretty good too," Seto told Yami, who looked away from the window to stare in disbelief at everyone.

"Dear God, has it sucked you all in!" he exclaimed. But just then-

"Was that the door?" Seto said looking over his shoulder at the door. The bell rang again. Yami got up to answer the door while Bakura followed close behind him. Yugi merely froze in fear. Kaiba had sympathy and tried to get Yugi to wake up and run.

"C-can't...." Yugi whispered. "To petrified...can't m-move…save...yourself...."

Seto got up and stood behind Bakura, with the end of his coat trailing in the draft of the opening door.

"Hello, _Kaiba-boy_," an all-too-familiar voice drawled out. Seto stiffened, standing up straight. Jacket Toitoi ceased to fly around, instead drifting down to graze the back of his knees.

"Bastard," Seto greeted Pegasus who walked inside. Yami, moved out of the way, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and Pegasus, ended up squishing himself up against the wall. Pegasus, scary red suit and all, stopped when Yami shut the door and turned to face Seto.

"Is that any way to greet me?" he said with a sardonic smile.

"Bastard."

Pegasus grinned widely. "What's your name, Seto Kaiba?"

"Bastard."

Pegasus giggled madly. "Oh! How fun is this?"

From the couch, Yugi, shaking, pulled the blanket over his head and held the baseball bat tightly. Yami noticed he was still downstairs, and feeling rather sorry for trying to make his poor Aibou cheat for them, tried to draw Pegasus's attention from Yugi and to himself.

"Er, hello, um, Pegasus...." he managed to stammer. Already, Pegasus' frightening nature was beginning to get to him.

"Hello....Yami, is it?" Pegasus asked. Yami nodded. Seto still stood off to the side, stiffly muttering under his breath.

"Bastard....bastard....bastard...."

Pegasus entered the kitchen without noticing Yugi. He looked around, grabbed a near-by cookie, and pulled out a chair from the table. "Well, Yami-boy," he said as Yami cringed, "this is a nice place you have. It is yours, isn't it? Or is it....Yugi's? Where is he, by the way? Didn't want to come out and greet his old time friend?"

Yami wanted to kick his foot down Pegasus' throat, but he stopped. "Uh, he's at a friend's house tonight...."

"Is that so...." Pegasus said as he glanced quickly around the room. "Really, now, Yami-boy, I'm much smarter than that," he sneered, glancing over his back to the quivering blanket on the couch. Seto quickly stepped in behind Pegasus, blocking his view. Bakura tried to back over to Yugi and get him out of the way in time, but it was too late. Pegasus knew he was there.

"Yugi!" Bakura hissed. "Get out of here! Run!" Yugi merely squeaked, frightened. Bakura was tempted to pick up Yugi and run like hell, but Pegasus beat him to it. Once he turned around to save Yugi, Pegasus was already there, having taken Yugi by the leg and lifted him up, the blanket falling. Yugi squeaked again as Yami clenched his fists.

"Leave my Aibou alone," he growled from the kitchen.

"Oh, he'll be all right," Pegasus smiled. "I don't bite." He turned back to Yugi, who had his eyes closed tightly and was swinging the baseball back around in circles attempting to hit Pegasus.

"Lemme go!" he cried, hanging silent before beginning to kick around at the air violently with his free foot. Pegasus set Yugi back on the couch.

"Hello, Yugi-boy...." Pegasus smiled, leaning over to face Yugi, who began to scoot away and slowly disappear between couch cushions. Pegasus stood back up right and faced the others. "You see? We're great friends! Aren't we, Yugi? Yugi....?" The others merely looked at one another and stifled a laugh. When Pegasus turned back to continue talking with Yugi face to face, he saw that Yugi had disappeared into the depths of the cushions.

Pegasus stood up taller and threw his red suit jacket over his shoulder. "I feel deeply offended and disliked," he told everyone smugly. "I'll be going now."

Yami's expression turned from anger to shock.

"NO!" he shouted. Seto and Bakura stared at him, _their _surprise turned to spite. Yami mouth the words "money" and "cash" and they got the idea.

"You can't go!" Yami said. "We won't be able to play Cheat if you do!"

"Er, yeah, Bastard!" Seto cried.

Pegasus nodded slightly, a smile playing at his lips. "You didn't say we were playing Cheat before. I'm a cheat champion! Golden Trophy, to match my most beautiful golden Kougra....."

Bakura ran over to the couch while Pegasus was busy explaining his life on NeoPets, got Yugi out from the cushions, threw him over his shoulder, and raced upstairs. He tossed Yugi into his room and was about to slam the door and go back downstairs when Yugi stopped him.

"Make him leave!" he pleaded, taking the blue blanket back into his hands, wrapping himself up in it and falling over on to his side.

Bakura shook his head and smiled kindly, which looked pretty evil concerning the fact that when an evil alter-ego person thing smiles, it's supposed to look creepy. "Sorry, Yugi, but I suppose you're going to be a casualty...."

"_Casualty_?!" Yugi shouted out from under the blanket. "What do you mean by that?"

"Casualty as in you're going probably scarred for life because of this. Actually," Bakura pondered for a moment, "we all probably will, if we aren't already. Just lock the door and don't open it unless you hear someone say....er....Potato Salad." With that, he turned and ran back downstairs, leaving Yugi to crawl back into the closet and set traps of spare Gundam model parts around the room in his carpet. While he was at it, he began to tie his sheets together to create a makeshift rope so he could escape out his window if he ever felt the need to reach the ground two stories down.


	3. Death By Scariness

Kismet! Gosh, I likey that word! Anywho, time to address reviews! Thank you all so much who did! I really appreciated all those nice, wonderful, frenzied responses I received! And….

I've got no problem if you don't likey my story, but why? Please! If you're going to state that you don't like my story, let me know why or I'll pollute ff.net with more! MuhahaHA! Um…anyway…. Ramble brought to you by _Spianal_.

Eek, it appears some reviewers are turning rabid., though no offence is meant, I find hyper reviews most pleasing o^^o.

Yami: No duh. You're so lazy, never updating. Slacker! You deserve it!!!

Rioki: Shove it, Pharaoh-Boy. I don't own Uno, Sesame Street, Cheat, or Yu-Gi-Oh, any jokes in here that belong to Bunny. Although I do own a nice bath sponge.

Yami: O.o; Lazy and Pointless, you are.

Rioki: Kinda like this chapter. I got sort of lost, and I actually stopped writing it here for awhile because I just didn't know what to do until I thought of Uno. I forgot how to play Cheat too, that might have something to do with it. And sure, Yami could read people's cards, we're just going to forget about that… o.O:: 

Anyway, since Halloween is like…two days away? I thought I might write a Halloween based fic, but that's yet to be seen if I can think of a interesting plot. And apology-ness to Bunny, turns out Jacket Toitoi's her joke. And probably several more, so I'll just leave this to be. 

And I apologize to Ryou fans, everyone's favorite soft, brown-eyed, absolutely ADORABLE cutie won't be making an appearance in this story, so Yami Bakura's just Bakura…. The very evil, eerily psychotic, but strangely sensitive yami that lives in a 70's disco medallion. Or…..something like that.

CHAPTER III - **Death by Scariness**

Seto Kaiba stared evilly at Pegasus from across the table. He shifted his gaze to look suspiciously at Yami and Bakura, who did the same. Pegasus, unaware at the looks of pure hate and despite he was receiving, smugly shuffled the deck, showing off by flipping the cards in the air and with his eyes closed. Everyone else sat, disgusted and unamused .

"So," he smiled. "are we going to place any bets?" Bakura glanced at the other two with a satisfied smile before raising everyone twenty bucks.

"Shit," Yami said, digging in his pockets before pulling out a twenty and laying on the table. Pegasus then began to deal the cards with that egotistical bastard look on his face, asking who would probably win.

"Why, me, who else?" Yami said coldly after a long silence. Seto and Bakura glared at him for allowing Pegasus to come and ruin their evening. And because the fact that he was acting like the self-centered jerk that they all just loved so much. Yami quickly shrugged at them and looked at his cards.

"One ace, three three's, two five's, whatever these are...Great," he snorted, loud enough for everyone but Pegasus to hear. They all looked at their cards until someone made the strangest sound. Seto tilted his head, Bakura bit a finger, and Yami, looking rather annoyed, glanced up at Pegasus, who giggled madly, covering one mouth with the back of his hand. Yami grimaced at the site, Bakura looked around nervously, while Seto appeared he would throw up any second.

Pegasus' giggled soon turned into a laughing fit. Seto ran for the bathroom.

"Come on!" Bakura told Pegasus sharply when Seto returned, looking awfully pale. "Stop that. You'll end up killing him if you keep laughing."

"He can't help the fact that he's a scariest guy alive," Yami leaned over and told Bakura under his breath, who nodded silently in agreement. Yami sat back up and explained to everyone "There won't be any murders in this house tonight, because I'd have to try and tell it to Yugi. I mean, if that's not hard enough, try explaining it to the press! 'Seto Kaiba killed, Main Suspect Pegasus to be Arraigned in Court, Charged with One Account of Murder By Scariness'-"

"Really, now," Pegasus said, looking slightly hurt. "It isn't my fault Seto doesn't like the way I laugh. Shall we continue? I'd really like to win and get home," he glanced at his watch. "I should be asleep by now."

Yami threw a look at the others, then returned to look at his hand. Pegasus started laughing again. Seto looked all right, but he tended to sway in his chair a bit. Bakura looked over and braced him with his elbow as he quietly told Seto what cards he had in his hand. Yami swore that they were muttering something else, but he didn't say anything and tried to concentrate on the game.

But even knowing each others cards, they still were losing to Pegasus the first half of the game. He was down to five cards when Yami looked up. And by the time he had played his fourth card, Pegasus had already played his last. Yami, who couldn't believe that he'd lost, began to look around frantically, trying to pin the blame on some other object.

"Hey," he said. "Hey, wait a minute. Pegasus!" he roared, standing up so fast that his chair shot out front under him. "PEGASUS! YOU'RE CHEATING!"

"Oh, am I?!" Pegasus giggled. Bakura caught Seto before he fell of his chair. "How silly of me! Oh, heh! Well, it doesn't matter now, because it appears that I, well, I am the winner!" He reached over to grab up the massive stash of money on the table. Seto lunched across and placed his arms over before Pegasus could swipe it all.

"You cheated. That means we have to play it over," he growled, looking up, his eyes narrowing to slits. Pegasus backed away and stood straight up, playing with the shirt cuff of his sleeve as he thought of what to say.

"You all cheated too," he said. Yami cringed. He'd been caught. They all had. And Pegasus knew it. "Now, do we all know that two wrongs don't make a right?" he preached, tsking his finger at them all. Seto's eyes rolled back into his head and he rolled off the table into an unconscious heap on the floor. Yami looked down to and nudged Seto's head, which just lolled around, with his toe to make sure he hadn't completely died, then turned back to face Pegasus.

"Why don't we play a new game," Bakura suggested. "Something that he can't cheat on, like War or something."

"But then we can't cheat either!" Yami hissed into his ear.

Bakura smiled slightly, figuring out the irony. "Oh yeah!" he reminded himself. "That's right." His smile faded into a pout. Yami and Pegasus then began to argue slightly over the game, Cheat or something else. Before long, Pegasus stopped mid-sentence.

"I say we all play Cheat again!" Pegasus demanded before he paused. Seto had managed to get back on his feet when Pegasus broke out into a wide, freakishly scary smile. He dropped back onto the floor again. Yami cringed as Seto's head hit the linoleum. When he looked up, Pegasus had sat back down again and was shuffling the cards.

"What? I'm not playing cheat!" Yami cried. Seto struggled back onto his chair and Bakura sat back down uneasily, not knowing what was going on in Pegasus' twisted mind.

"I figured we'd have Kaiba-boy here decide between Cheat and War," he grinned. Seto's jaw dropped.

"Go watch Funny Bunny, you jackass," Kaiba growled. "I say Uno." Bakura looked at him.

"What? Uno?" he asked. "What's that?"

Yami sighed, leaning over. "It's where you match cards of suit and number if you can, one or the other, until you only have one left. And when you do, you put it down and cry "Uno". I only know this because, well, I think for like Yugi's fifth birthday, someone bought him the Sesame Street version of the game."

"Aww, yes!" Pegasus smiled, getting up from his chair and walking upstairs.

"Hey! You Bastard! Where do you think you're going?" Seto Kaiba cried, leaping up from his chair and following Pegasus, who had reached the door to Yugi's room.

"Oh, Yugi-boy!" he cried, rapping his knuckles softly on the door. "Can you tell us where your Uno game is? Hello?" There was no response except for a faint muffle.

"Go away," Yugi demanded.

Yami marched up behind Pegasus. "AIBOU!" he cried, pounding on the door. "Where's your damned Uno game?!"

"Downstairs in the entertainment center. Now go away!" Yugi whined. Pegasus shrugged and marched downstairs. Seto followed him down, while Yami raced past Pegasus, ran down to his TV and rummaged around in the cabinet beside it. Pegasus stood by him, and offered to help him look for it.

"Get away from my television!" he hissed, his eyes narrowing and his teeth bared. Pegasus, frightened, back away to the table and sat back down. The others followed and sat down also, waiting for Yami to stop cursing and bring the game over. When he finally did, Pegasus started clapping merrily. Seto began to sway in his chair uneasily, but Bakura caught his shoulder tightly in time and was still able to stay on.

"There," Yami told everyone as he opened up the box. "Uno. Everyone happy? 'Cause this is all we're going to play, and if anyone says otherwise, that's just too damn bad." He shuffled and dealt the cards. Pegasus was about to start giggling when Yami hit him over the head with the box on his way into the kitchen.

He returned carrying a black bandanna in his hand. Bakura looked at him sideways, but understand when Yami tied it around Pegasus' left eye.

Before anyone could speak, Yami began giving a self-righteous sounding speech. "Rules! This will be a true Uno duel, that means no cheating. Anyone caught WILL be disqualified. Anyone who has over twenty cards in his hand will automatically be out. The winner will receive the title of "King of....Uno," bragging rights for two months, and all the cash in the pool. Agree?"

Everyone nodded silently.

Pegasus tugged lightly on the scarf. "Is this really necessary?" he asked innocently. All three replied with a yes.


	4. Elmo Attacks

Well, after making a few thousand corrections ^^, here I am again, ready to make the pools of Fanfiction.net murky with my story! Bwhaha…

Okay, today's disclaimer? I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. I do not own Sesame Street Uno. Although I do own it, just not the rights to it. Kismet. I do not own The Force. I do not own many things, although hopefully I'll own part of the subtitled version of Yu-G-Oh very soon. Yayness.

And again, thank you all who reviewed and such, and for Animom for offering to proofread this story! [claps] Hopefully the slightly-changed, error free version will be up someday.

And there's still one more chapter to go, that one ought to wrap this up and then I can go own my merry little way with my life. Arg. [twitches]

****

CHAPTER IV

It was clear five minutes into the game that Pegasus was the most horrible Uno player of all time, which gave Kaiba part of his confidence back. Pegasus was up to ten cards, while the others had...well, who's really counting? Just keep reading.

Kaiba laid down a card with a fuzzy red creature on it. "Ha!" he cried to Pegasus, who looked up from his deck sourly. "You're Ernie is no match for my mighty-" he paused to look down at what card he had just played, "er.... Cute Smiling ELMO card!" Seto sat back down and looked mighty smug with himself, his arms crossed. Bakura went next. Shyly, he put down a matching card and glanced at Kaiba for approval. Yami, who was too absorbed in his own move to notice, was all smiles. When it was his turn, he began to laugh evilly.

"What?" Pegasus demanded.

"HA!" he cried, slamming down a "Draw Two!" card down dramatically. "You are finished! DRAW TWO! Attack with, er, Draw Two Assault! Obliterate Pegasus' chances of winning!" Yami was out of his chair, leaning over the table.

"We should've played Duel Monster's if he's going to act that way," Bakura whispered to Seto, who nodded with one eyebrow raised. Pegasus groaned and drew two cards, a sour expression spreading across his face.

"Oh! Two cards! I can't go on!" he sighed. Yami sat back down and began to grow suspicious when Pegasus' expression turned from remorse to glee. Seto's eyes widened.

"The bastard's up to something."

"Shit."

Pegasus rose out of his chair. "Oh, but Yami-boy! My chances of winning have just increased with every draw!" he cackled with happiness as he prepared to reveal his plan.

"What?" Yami demanded. "NO!"

"Ah, but yes!" Pegasus clapped with joy. "My hand is made up entirely of "Wild" cards! Meaning I WILL be the winner."

"NO!" Seto shouted. "This CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Bastard! ARG!!!" He began to pound his fists onto the table.

"LIAR!" Bakura cursed. "You lie!!!"

"Do I?" Pegasus challenged their claims. "DO I?" he laid down a wild card. "THE COLOR I CHOOSE IS BLUE!"

"NO!" Seto shouted. "Oh hell no!" He didn't have one blue card in his hand. He was forced to draw. And draw. And draw. After twenty cards, he finally drew a blue. It was clear to Yami and Bakura that it was up to them to defeat Pegasus since Seto was out of the running.

"Oh Toitoi. I'm sorry, I never meant....to let you down," Seto sat back down, his head hung low as he apologized to his jacket.

It was Bakura's turn. Gingerly, he put down a blue card and waited for Yami to move. He put down a green of a matching number. Pegasus placed another wild card.

"Yellow," he said simply. Bakura's face grew pale and grave. There was not one yellow card in his deck. He began to draw. After fifteen cards, there was not one yellow or wild found. He sat back with his head down low and placed his cards face down. Kaiba patted him on the back.

"It happens to the best of us…."

"Aww, too bad!" Pegasus snickered. "Looks like both of you are out!" Then he shifted his gaze to Yami.

Yami was nervous. He was also a lot of other things, like angry, and seriously pissed. He didn't have a yellow in his hand either. There was one of two things he could do, procrastinate or think of some plan to steal the money and run like hell. He half stood out of his chair, leaning over the table with a grim expression on his face. He snarled angrily at Pegasus, but did not say a word or play a card.

Just then, he heard a voice behind him. He whipped around.

Behind him was standing Yugi's grandfather, washing dishes in the sink.

"Use the force, Yami!" he cried with soap suds all over his arms. "Or, wait. Sorry. Wrong line." Everyone at the table stared. Seto and Bakura leaned over on the other sides of the table to look around Pegasus, (who was in their way) to stare strangely at the old man washing dishes, who was obviously trying to remember his line to give Yami inspiration.

"Yuuuugiii!" he said. "Yeah! That's it!" 

Yami coughed, his face a bright red as Yugi's grandfather finished drying the last plate and walked through the kitchen to go upstairs.

"Is nothing SACRED?!" Yami roared at the man, shaking his fist. "Can you're mortal mind not comprehend the fact that you do NOT disturb a man in the middle of a _duel_?" He blinked and whirled around to face Pegasus.

"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" Yami shouted in Pegasus' face, then started growling menacingly as he turned his attention to the draw-card pile.

Seto rolled his eyes. "That is so old."

Yami slowly eased his hand forward. "Wait," he thought to himself. "What if? What if I don't draw a yellow? If I don't, I will have fifteen cards. And I'll be out." He started to draw his hand back.

"NO!" he yelled to himself in his mind. "I must trust in the Heart of the Cards! I have to believe!" He reached forward. Shut his eyes....

And Yugi kicked him in the shin.

Everyone looked over, surprised to see Yugi out of his room. He was in his Pikachu pajamas, with a blanket, baseball bat, and Swiss army knife in one hand, and an Uno card in the other.

"You dropped this," Yugi said sympathetically, holding the card up to Yami. "Want it?" Yami reached down and took the card. Then turned to Pegasus with a evil, raw, conniving smile.

"HA!" he roared in his sure manner. "You thought you'd outsmart us by waiting until we had no cards left and hoarding all the yellow and wild cards to yourself! Well, that isn't going to work anymore! GO, DRAW THREE! OBLERATE!!!"

"WHAT?" Pegasus thundered as Yami slammed down his yellow draw three card. "HOW!!! NO!!!" He threw his arms up into the air in exasperation. If he drew three cards that would make his total sixteen, over the fifteen card limit.

Seto and Bakura began to jump around and cheer in each other arms before growing self conscious. They coughed, blushed and stepped away from one another. Yugi clapped and stood proudly next to Yami, who had the most self-satisfied smile the household had ever known. To give you an idea? More smug that the time he got Yugi busted for trying to eat the box of cookies before dinner.


	5. King of Uno

And this about ends it, this short epilogue thingy that I have the nerve to call a chapter. Kismet. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, or just read, or just skimmed through it, or just…whatever, whoever just had a good day today. . And another big thanks to Animom, for not only wasting precious moments of her own life to sit through and try and correct my writing, but for giving me a getter idea for my closing line. Very much thanks.

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. I'll miss saying that.

Yami: Sure you will….

Rioki: Will you miss me? Will you miss me forcing you to appear like this in the Author's Notes?

Yami: ….no.

Rioki: Make you the King of Uno and what thanks do I get?! Bah! Okay, I'm done. Read, leave, and I work for "Tips…er, Reviews only" if that makes any sense. So ta ta, see you whenever.

****

CHAPTER V - **King Of Uno**

After Pegasus had collected himself enough to stand up and face Yami, Seto and Bakura were getting ready to leave. Bakura waved good-bye and went outside to start his ride home; Ryou's car (that he "borrowed"). Pegasus outstretched his arm for someone to shake. Yugi merely walked over to the counter, came back, and put a cookie in Pegasus' hand. He looked at it strangely, then put the cookie in his pocket. Seto re-adorned jacket so it'd wave in the wind when he went outside.

"That was fun," Pegasus commented. "We should get together again."

Seto shot him a glare of death.

"Aww, come on, Kaiba-boy!" he grinned. "Do you still hate me for ruining your life?"

"Bastard."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Yami stood between the two to stop the situation for escalating and to keep Yugi from freaking out about potentially broken furniture. Seto gave his jacket an experimental swish, then nodded good night to Yami. Yugi waved cutely. Seto, disturbed at first, found it appropriate to wink as he went out the door and asked Bakura for a ride home.

Pegasus turned to Yami. "Well, I really should be going, _Yami-boy_."

Yami cringed as Pegasus spoke, then collected himself to reply. "Let's just hope out paths never cross again, 'cause if so, my foot'll be so far down your throat that you'll never be able to breath those words again. Besides, I'm the King of Uno now. I make the rules."

"Whatever." Pegasus slowly walked over, patted Yugi on the head, who swung around the bat violently after him, and closed the door behind him.

The house grew eerily silent. Yami glanced around, then walked over and sunk down onto the couch. Yugi followed jumped up next to him.

"So," he asked in his usual cheerful voice, "Did you have fun?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Sure...." Yami went on until he looked over at the huge pile of cash on the table. "Yeah...." he said, grinning, "I guess I did."

"That's good," Yugi smiled, snuggling up next to Yami's side. "I'm glad you did. 'Cause I'm having my friends over next week. It's only fair. Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to the Courthouse to get a restraining order on Pegasus, so he can't come within twenty feet of me or this house. Sorry."

Yami smiled patting Yugi on the head. "That's okay, I don't think I want him in twenty miles of me either. Ever again." 

Yugi laughed, then keeled over and started falling off the couch, fast asleep.

"Whoa, Kid!" Yami called, catching Yugi by the back of his shirt. "You shouldn't do that!" He swung Yugi over his shoulder, carried him back upstairs, and tucked him into bed after trying to pry a chuck on cookie out of his hands. After eating it, he jumped back downstairs and hopped up onto the couch. He sat, counting his money again, meanwhile reflecting on his evening, and wondering who he could challenge to become "King of Scrabble".


End file.
